Baby Lovey 101: Is It a Safety Hazard, Necessity or Baloney?

You’ve probably heard about them. Those magic soft, fluffy, patient and endurable objects that baby becomes attached to. Their presence can make and save a day; their absence can lead to a total breakdown and floods of tears: The loveys. There are many ideas and misconceptions out there regarding the lovey, and opinions range from “absolutely necessary” to “total baloney”.

Let’s shed some light on the topic.

What it is, what it isn’t

Before we dive further into the topic, let’s quickly define what a lovey is. This will help prevent misunderstandings later on.

A lovey is an object your beloved little one becomes attached to. So much so that the relationship that develops is stronger than the ones your child has to other toys. Toys will always be seen as objects, whereas the lovey is a friend and will be given a name and personality.

The lovey is therefore not just a toy that is replaced easily or swapped with something else. Loveys will comfort your little one; most baby and toddler who have a lovey will want to share and experience everything with their friend.

Once they are at an age where you can distract them in order to calm them down, the lovey will help you to accomplish that more easily. The depth of that bond is dependent on how much you encourage and accept it, as well as on the personality and age of your child and the general emotional state your little one is in.

A lovey can be something you introduce, but most of the time your child will pick one. It can be a stuffed animal, a baby blanket, a muslin diaper or a little pillow. Usually these objects are the size/length of your baby’s torso and are easy to grab and hold. They are soft and are comfortable to snuggle with.

Many parents use a lovey to tackle changes regarding sleep routine: A lovey should help the little one to have a smooth transition to sleeping in their own crib/bed or their own room, or sleeping through the night (not fully waking up during sleep cycles and/or falling back to sleep without the parents’ help).

If that is your main goal then you should limit the times and places your baby has the lovey to those that are associated with sleep: nap times and nights, the crib and maybe the car seat if you want a “nap to go”. If you like the idea of a general lovey/friend for your baby, then go ahead and include it in games and daily activities.

Health and Safety Regarding Loveys

Objects that can easily break or rip and that are a potential health and safety hazard are not suitable as loveys, for example, low-quality toys that release chemicals or have bits that come off and can be swallowed. Toys that baby’s fingers or hands can get stuck in, or that have long ribbons or ropes which can strangle your little one are also unsuitable.

One of the most common questions asked is:

My baby sleeps with his lovey over his face – is it dangerous?

As this is such an important question, which cannot be answered in one short paragraph, I wrote an article about it, which you can read it here. But generally speaking, objects that may cause suffocation or strangulation when your little one accidently pulls them over their face while sleeping are unsuitable as loveys.

As a general rule, while your baby is too small to consciously grab and pull off something that is on their face or over their nose and mouth, I advise you to not have any items like pillows, blankets or toys with blankets attached in the crib.

Hygiene Tips and Washing

Whenever you buy new stuffed toys, new clothes, bed linen or blankets I strongly recommend giving them at least one thorough wash in the washing machine. You never know which chemicals were used for production and how many people have already touched the items.

Wash according to the labels and try to avoid softeners and highly fragranced washing powder/liquids. It is generally worth buying skin-sensitive, hypoallergenic washing powder/liquid that contains no, or hardly any, irritants.

By washing the potential lovey before you introduce it to your baby (more on that a bit further down) you also get a glimpse of how durable it is and whether regularly washing it will destroy the texture, color or fabric over time.

And yes, regular washing will be necessary. Loveys are real stuntmen. They’ll be dragged along the floor, taken on trips outside into the grass, to the sandpit and the woods, they’ll be given food and milk, will be kissed, licked and chewed. They’ll experience snotty noses and hearty sneezes and will be proudly introduced to other kids and toys. Speaking of introductions…

May I Introduce You to Mr. Donkey?

Our neighbors gave us a stuffed donkey for David’s birth. My husband and I thought it was quite cute, and since it wears a chic scarf, it looks quite sophisticated – and so Mr. Donkey joined our family.

When to introduce a lovey

In our case, we introduced Mr. Donkey to David a few weeks after birth. If you are planning to introduce a lovey to your child, doing so at a very young age is neither necessary nor a guarantee that the seed of friendship and affection you plant will grow.

Babies under the age of 4 to 6 months are too young to bond with a lovey.

They may grab it and bring it close to their face, but they have not yet developed the capacity to play with a toy, give it a personality or view it as a friend. My personal opinion is, that you should not force a relationship between your little one and the lovey.

True, we introduced Mr. Donkey to David at a very early age, but never with the intention of David having a lovey. I found it way more important to first develop my relationship with him, strengthen it and build a solid foundation before trying to make a lovey a part of his life.

How to introduce a lovey

It is usually recommended that you choose the lovey you want your baby to have, make it smell like you and have your baby associate positive emotions with it.

This is mainly accomplished by having the lovey between you and your baby, or on your baby while you’re (breast-)feeding and stroking your baby with the lovey while they’re falling asleep or during feeds.

Sometimes this is enough for baby to become attached to it, but more often a little more effort will have to be put into developing and growing that tender relationship, especially if your baby is not yet six months old. Here is how to accomplish that:

Babies have an incredible sense of smell. Only we as grown-ups limit the “needs to smell like Mommy” to the smell of (breast-)milk. The truth is, to make the lovey smell like you many things work: Having it under your t-shirt or under your blanket while you sleep, wearing it for a few hours under your sweater during the weekend, or snuggling with it while you’re having a cup of tea will all work and make the lovey smell momtastic!

After you’ve done some of the above a few times, the lovey will smell like you, and you’ll have an easier time introducing it to your little one. But a word of warning here: Don’t be fooled into thinking that a lovey, however great it smells, will grow into a close, reliable comforter and friend for your beloved little one in just a few days.

Spend a few weeks carrying it and holding it close whenever you are carrying your baby or whenever you can create snuggle time and fun time. Just take time to let your beloved little one get to know it and associate positive memories and emotions with it.

As mentioned before, sometimes a lovey doesn’t need to be introduced – your baby will simply pick one of the many toys that are there already. In our case, our son David became attached to Mr. Donkey when he was about 10 or 11 months old – although he was used to Mr. Donkey being around from when he was born.

When we realized that Mr. Donkey could turn into his lovey, we simply went with the flow and encouraged it by letting him have Mr. Donkey in his crib, have him sit with us at mealtimes, take trips with him, etc.

Can there be more than one lovey?

If you want to save yourself future troubles, then this is a definite YES!

There should be more than one lovey. Buy the same lovey twice. This way, when you have to wash it, you’ll have a back-up. When you forget your lovey at a friend’s, it will magically travel back home to your baby. If you need to fix any holes, take your time and have the lovey’s twin on hand.

But a word of warning here: don’t think you can fool your little one once they are older. If the two loveys are not identical, then you’ll have a hard time explaining why the same lovey looked old and worn and smelled differently to the one right there just a moment before.

Therefore, rotate them in and out often. Another great thing about having a backup lovey is travelling and daycare. Our son David takes his naps at daycare – and guess who’s there waiting in his bed every single day? David is almost two now, and still hasn’t realized that he’s got two identical ones. I’m not sure if I will welcome the day he finds out ?.

But can there be more than the pair of identical loveys? In my experience, there will always be a favored lovey. But sometimes I also see young kids (younger than 2-2.5 years) swapping from “my best friend” to “my new best friend”.

It’s even happening to us right now – we’re not sure if Mr. Donkey will be replaced by Tigger soon, because more and more David chooses to go to bed, read books, have lunch or go to the toilet with Tigger instead of Mr. Donkey. Oh well, the only constant thing with kids is change, right?

An Absolute Necessity or Total Baloney?

In forums you read all kinds of opinions and questions regarding loveys.

• “My son is addicted to his lovey.”
• “I want to introduce a lovey, but it doesn’t work.”
• “Having that lovey ruined our day!”
• “Thank God we have that lovey.”
• “My child is six and still can’t fall asleep without it.”
• “My baby girl has her lovey in the crib, yet wakes up a few times during the night.”

So, is it a necessity and a great support? Or baloney and a hindrance? Does it turn into an addiction that you will laboriously have to break like the use of the pacifier, the bottle or thumb-sucking?

Honestly, I believe that there is not “one truth” out there regarding the lovey. In my opinion, as long as you don’t create a safety or health hazard, having a lovey is fine. You decide for yourself what suits your family best.

Once you’ve found your perfect recipe, stick to it and don’t be influenced by other people (even if they also “just want the best” for your baby). If you want to change something, do it with loving perseverance and continuity over a reasonable period of time.

If you decide you want to fully encourage and support the baby-lovey relationship, you can look forward to advantages like using the lovey to calm your baby down and help with sleep transitions, or encouraging certain behavior (“Mr. Donkey is also wearing a sweater.”).

But also, be prepared to deal with the disadvantages, like a total breakdown if something happens to the lovey (e.g. it gets wet or dirty) or you forget it somewhere.

Or maybe you are like us and have a lovey, which your little one loves and is happy with, but it doesn’t accompany you 24/7. This is a nice way to go too, because it doesn’t really matter if it is there one day gone the next, yet baby can still associate lots of positive emotions and memories with it. Sometimes it helps to have a “third party” on your side!

If you decide to have no lovey whatsoever, that’s great too. Every mom has her own tricks and ways to get through the different phases with her baby, and I’m sure you have some very special ones!

Whatever you choose, I hope this article was helpful for you! I would love to know what your opinion on loveys is and how you’re dealing with the topic! Please feel free to share your experiences in the comment section below.

What does having a security blanket mean?

A security blanket is just another word for lovey. It is either a little blanket (about 36×38 inches) or a blanket that has the blanket for the body with an animal head attached to it. The name originates from its use in making baby feel secure and safe and it helps baby feel at ease and settle down to sleep. “Security blanket” does not mean that it is necessarily secure for baby to have, for example, while sleeping. Read more about the dangers of loveys, blankets and pillows in baby’s crib right here. (My baby sleeps with his lovey over his face, is it dangerous?)

Can babies suffocate on loveys and blankets?

Babies that are still too young to consciously pull an object off of their face or their head should not have any objects like pillows, blankets or loveys in the crib. There is a significant risk of suffocation or of re-breathing exhaled air. If you use something that can fully cover baby’s face like a baby blanket, tie a knot in it to greatly reduce the above-mentioned risks. If in doubt, it is advised that you check with your pediatrician.